I go in on other people’s favorite movies pretty frequently on this here feature, it’s only fair that I also go in on one of mine, no? This week, we’re taking a look at the Quentin Tarantino film, Django Unchained.
It’s not everyday you get to see a slave give slaveowners and his former overseers their much deserved comeuppance, but this film is not without its moments of trash. Here are 3 reasons why Django Unchained is trash.
What happens to the slaves after Django and/or Dr. Schulz leaves them?
On three separate occasions, Django and/or Dr. Schultz leaves a group of slaves out in the middle of nowhere after escaping the clutches of bondage. This is great for our protagonists as they get to gain freedom/remain free/propel the story, but what about these other people? The best example comes at the beginning of the movie. Our first group has been walking, barefoot, for what has to have been several days as we’ve seen them go from sweltering heat to near freezing cold. After Dr. Schultz kills one of the Speck brothers and leaves the other screaming under a horse (quick sidenote, Dr. King Schultz is brutal as hell and the movie does a great job making him seem like anything but. Back to business…), he tells the other slaves that they should kill the remaining overseer then walk to a free part of the country.
2 things wrong with that:
- They’re in Texas…somewhere. Even we as viewers don’t know where these guys are. Wherever they are, they’re far as hell from the Mason-Dixon line, which brings me to number 2…
- They don’t know how to get anywhere. Dr. Schultz tells the group, “if there are any astronomy aficionados, the North Star is *that* one,” then leaves. Ok, first of all, slaves don’t know astonomy. They’re not even supposed to be able to read words so you can bet your ass they don’t know how to read the night sky. To make matters worse, HE DIDN’T MAKE SURE THEY KNEW WHICH STAR HE WAS TALKING ABOUT.
Aside from the fact that they’d have been better off going to Mexico to escape slavery, telling them to go north without making sure they knew which way to go to do that is reckless as hell. Being black and wandering aimlessly in backwoods Texas is dangerous today. I can only imagine what it must have been like in 1858. They were almost better off with the Speck brothers…almost.
People constantly leave folks alive when they plan on killing them later
When Dr. Schultz first meets up with Django and Co., he pays for Django even though he had just killed one of the Speck brothers and gave the remaining slaves the means to kill the other one. Additionally, after seeing Schultz and Django kill what were likely his *only* overseers, “Big Daddy” tells the two to leave his plantation only to try and kill them later on. This doesn’t make any sense whatsoever.
Dr. Schultz’s situation is pretty cut and dry, why give money to someone who isn’t going to be alive in another 45 seconds? Big Daddy’s situation bothers me a bit more.
He had both Django and Schultz dead to rights with their guns on the ground and a rifle in his hands.
You might be thinking, “well Obes, the penalty for killing a bounty hunter while carrying out his duties is death by hanging.” Sure, magic voice inside my head, but clearly Big Daddy wasn’t concerned about that when he and his Klan buddies tried to roll up on our heroes in the dead of night. Emphasis on *tried*:
He had the men right where he wanted them. If he was really about that “killing a bounty hunter and his valet” lifestyle, he should’ve done it when he had the chance. Speaking of Django being Dr. Schultz’s valet…
Why does Dr. Schultz put on such a big act to buy Broomhilda?
Dr. Schultz has a flair for the dramatic, that much is super clear. It helped him get the Brittle brothers at Big Daddy’s plantation, sure, but I think he took it too far in dealing with Monsieur Candie. Here’s our situation: Django wants to purchase his wife from Calvin Candie. Dr. Schultz tells him that he can’t just buy Broomhilda that way because…wait, why can’t they just buy Broomhilda? Schultz tells Django they need some kind of hook to get in but they’re overlooking the biggest hook Dr. Schultz naturally has: he’s German and the movie has gone out of its way to let us know that Broomhilda also speaks German. How difficult would it have been to reach out to Calvin and say, “hey what’s up fam? I heard you have a German slave. That’s lit because, check this out, I’M German and I never get to speak German in my day to day life. Can I buy her from you?” Literally no one else in this film speaks German, it stands to reason that Calvin, being the pseudo-intellectual that he is, would be cool with facilitating such a request. I mean…
As dope as that last shootout was, none of this needed to happen. Like, at all.
Obes is the guy who wrote this piece? You got a problem with what he had to say? Let him know here or at email@example.com.