Edited by Obes Nwabara
Hello friends, I reached out to the Chicken Social about writing a piece for their website and they were gracious and kind enough to allow me to write the latest installment of Your Favorite Film is Trash. This wasn’t hard to do as 75% of the things I watch are actually pretty horrible. My favorite show to watch on Netflix is “Daredevil”, the story of a blind lawyer who gets his ass beat up and down his city but can somehow find hidden documents in buildings by smelling them in file cabinets. So for me, breaking down the trashness of a movie was no problem whatsoever. With that being said, “Rocky IV” is an unbelievably trash movie and here are 4 reasons why:
- Ain’t no way Rocky should have beaten Drago bruh
I’m just going to go ahead and tackle the elephant in the room right here. With how old Rocky had gotten and how much of a monster Drago was, this fight shouldn’t have even been close. Rocky was already washed at the end of Rocky III, but we’re supposed to believe he beat an in his prime Drago, who was using steroids, on the road in Russia?! Nah, fam. Rocky trained by being a lumberjack in Russia and living in a cabin while Drago was locked in a scientific lab hooked up to fancy machines to measure his vitals and injecting steroids into his body. You know, the old fashioned way of training. Yet somehow, Rocky was able to get the upper hand on Drago… I don’t see it. Also, Drago killed Apollo Creed in the ring. Not in the figurative sense of “Aw man, Apollo, Drago is killing you!” No Drago actually stopped Apollo Creed from continuing to live on this earth. Granted, Apollo had been retired for 5 years but this still shouldn’t have resulted in him dying at the hands of Drago. Remember, this is the very same Apollo who beat Rocky in their first fight. But now you’re telling me that Rocky (who is also significantly smaller than Drago) can go the distance and beat the boxer whose punches killed Apollo Creed, the man that Rocky lost to once and literally only beat the second time by one second? NOPE, not buying it.
- Was the Apollo/Drago match an unsanctioned charity street fight or….
Apollo died in the ring in the arms of Rocky as Drago looked down on his dead body like a fucking boss. My question is: where were the ring side doctors and medical team? Exhibition or not aren’t doctors supposed to be in attendance to make sure one of the boxers don’t, oh I don’t know, DIE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RING!? Plus, I don’t care if Rocky didn’t through in the towel, the fight should have been called way before that. The fight was in America too, so it’s not as if we can blame corrupt Russian officials. Nope, Apollo was murdered in the ring and the ringside doctors were pretty much like “Rocky didn’t throw in the towel. Our hands were tied. What did you want me to do, my job?!”
- No one loved Apollo Creed
From all accounts from the first 3 Rocky movies, Apollo Creed was a pretty good dude. He also was a former heavyweight championship boxer and an American sports hero. He was ALSO killed in the ring at the hands of a Russian on live television, so why were there only 15 people at this man’s funeral? Besides Apollo’s immediate family there’s only about 8 people there to see the burial of an American icon. Even if the funeral was closed to the public, I’m pretty sure Apollo had more friends and close associates than that. Another interesting thing, the movie pretty much tells us that Rocky feels that he caused Apollo’s death (and he is correct). It would also be easy to believe that Apollo’s family has to have some ill feelings toward Rocky for not throwing in the towel. Someone should have tried to square up with Rocky at some point during this funeral. I’ve been to enough black funerals to know that there is always someone who is uncontrollably angry at the loss of their loved one, whoever that was at Apollo’s funeral should have put hands on the ole Italian Stallion.
- Rocky apparently has more Foreign Policy experience than any President ever
Rocky went to Russia during the Cold War to fight the greatest Russian hero alive and by the 15th round the entire crowd was cheering for Rocky…how? 15 rounds of Rocky getting punched in the face makes the Russian crowd go “you know what these Americans aren’t half bad…” Pretty sure Rocky could have run for Prime Minister of Russia after the fight and won just off the strength of doing better against Drago than Apollo (which. in retrospect, really just meant not dying). This man had the entire balcony full of Russian leaders cheering for his “Change” speech after defeating their hero Drago, so I guess pride in country is thrown out the window? Since when do boxers give national speeches after winning fights? Plus how was it that the entire crowd of Russians started waving American flags during the fight once Rocky started making a comeback? Where did these flags even come from? Rocky dismantled a whole country’s sense of pride and converted them into Bud Light drinking, gun toting, triple bacon cheeseburger eating Americans in one 15 round bout? Bullshit.
The Rocky series is an iconic film series and you’re not going to see me denying that, but you can’t tell me there aren’t major buckets of trash in every film in the franchise. Then again, Sylvester Stallone wrote and produced every Rocky movie so it makes sense . As my twitter friend @TylerIAm stated in his YFFIT post, it’s cool if you enjoy trash things, but be willing to admit that these things are trash.